Mind Over Matter

Ten years isn't a long time. As far as Ian is concerned, even seventeen years aren't. Seventeen years of friendship and ten years of a business that was built on that friendship, makes him feel like just yesterday he was sitting in Anthony's bedroom, playing with their crappy webcam.

Ian doesn't know what he would do without Anthony, he loves that man. Honest to goodness, he loves him. It's August though, and Anthony has a girlfriend. She's everything Ian's isn't. Blond, pretty, vegan, and she can cook; Ian doesn't blame Anthony for falling in love with her.

The most scary thought Ian gets sometimes is that they might not have even continued their friendship past their teenage years if it weren't for that cringe-worthy video.

Ian considers himself lucky, even if he can't have the one thing he truly wants, he has enough.


He hasn't always been so pessimistic.

There was a time when Ian used to adore his life and used to take pride in the jealousy he received from others. Not anymore. It's become painfully tedious for him, how could it not be when he spends everyday with the man he's hopelessly fallen in love with? The same man who has a girlfriend, who shares a business with him, who is his "best-friend".

He has just honestly been hating his life since December 2014.


It's the time of year in which everyone should be joyful.

The time of year when Christmas cheer is radiating off of his peers and pretty much everyone he knows. Anthony, the only constant in Ian's life, isn't happy. It's the first Christmas he's spending without his girlfriend (or ex-fiancé), and it's deeply affecting him.

He doesn't miss her, hell he's glad as fuck they broke up. No, he's just lonely. Living in an apartment in downtown Los Angeles is a lonely existence, one he never thought he'd be forced to participate in.

In a way, he does miss her though. He misses her waking him up with a kiss, a nice vegan smoothie, and he misses how she made him felt. Then, there are the things he doesn't miss. The way she was always initiating arguments with him, and her subtly selfish ways. He considers it an amazing feat, how he was able to stay on such a dysfunctional relationship for four years. They were two perfectionists.

And two perfectionists don't always make a perfect relationship.

He doesn't need a lot of money, he doesn't have to play any games with one-night stands, all he needs is someone's love or companionship to get the blood rushing through his veins.


Ian, wants to help.

He's wanted to help since early November when Anthony called him crying about how he and Kalel broke up. That's why he's decided to visit Anthony tonight. It's Christmas eve and a soft rain is falling as Ian calmly strolls to Anthony's apartment. He's carrying presents and some vegan eggnog in a bag, and he prays that hopefully Anthony will have rum so they can loosen up tonight.

Ian isn't hoping they'll get slightly tipsy. No, he wants to be full on shit-faced. After all, he has had his own break up recently as well. Anthony isn't the only one who's hurting (although Ian's was a few months back). They were together for seven years, and although that isn't a long time in Ian's book, he figures it was enough to leave him slightly resentful.

He and Mel are still great friends, don't get him wrong, but he still feels like if it weren't for her they'd be together. She was the one who ended it. Her words never made him feel guilt or regret, she threw meaningless reasons for ending the relationship at him, all of which didn't leave him with a bad taste.

He knows they were all true. She claimed she had waited too long for him to propose, and that she wasn't getting any younger (and neither was he). But she didn't understand that he wasn't ready. He didn't want to get married to her, he'd thought about it a couple of times, but something was holding him back.

It's only been one year later and Ian has figured out what was.


It's pouring by the time he reaches Anthony's building and Ian is soaking wet. 2014 has never ceased to surprise him, but this certainly takes the cake. A downpour like this in Southern California, especially during a drought? It was a Christmas miracle. Though it seems more like an inconvenience right now, he finds it in his heart to appreciate the slight humidity the rain is bringing.

Just then, a car races by him, and suddenly he's drenched.

"Fuck... I hope the present is okay.." He mutters, ducking under the building's large awning, away from the sidewalk and it's pesky dangers, before heading inside. In no time, he's walking into Anthony's apartment, unannounced since he now has his own key, and he's hanging up his coat.

Dropping his keys on Anthony's entryway table, Ian pads into the apartment only to find Anthony sprawled out on his couch, already drunk as fuck. "Iannn.." He slurs, standing up and stumbling over to Ian, promptly grasping his shoulders and pulling him over to the couch.

"I see you started the party without me." Ian chuckles, plopping next to Anthony and throwing his present under Anthony's sparsely decorated tree. "Ian.. I'm lonely and I mis her..." Anthony groans, slumping forward and placing his head in his hands. "It's okay, you both are happier now." Ian murmurs, rubbing small circles on Anthony's back.

He groans appreciably at the touch, softly pushing himself into Ian's hand. They were both silent for a moment, only the sounds of Anthony's small intakes of breath could he heard. "It's been so long too... since someone's even touched me in a caring way." Anthony murmurs, his voice as soft and quiet as the wind.

"I just wish someone loved me."

At this revelation, Anthony looks up Ian with a sort of longing in his eyes and suddenly Ian is overcome by a need to be the one who could fix Anthony. It's selfish though, Anthony is drunk and Ian is not. Ian hasn't been touched in a while either, and he isn't gay but fuck-- Anthony looks sexy when he's all sprawled out. He wants to help both of them. He can fix Anthony, he can make him better.

He could make him feel loved.

Leaning towards each other, their breaths mingling, the feeling of Anthony softly cupping Ian's cheek and the feel of his lips slowly brushing against his-- it was so intoxicating. Their lips moving languidly, yet with plenty of ardor-- the feeling Ian would later describe as unbearable.

Anthony slightly tips Ian back a bit, just enough so that he's resting against the couch cushions as Anthony slips his other arm around Ian's waist. His eyes flutter slightly as Anthony grips his hip tightly, his fingers pressing into the soft flesh that is unconcealed by Ian's shirt. Slowly, Anthony leans on top of Ian just a bit more, and then their crotches are pressed together.

Nipping his bottom lip, Anthony slips his tongue into Ian's mouth, sweeping the cavern so gently that Ian feels like his skin is slowly dripping with warmth. He feels like he is ice and that Anthony is the magma that is slowly heating him up and melting him into the ocean. Ian's eyes have always reminded himself of the Pacific Ocean on a warm summer day, and now he's being used as a metaphor for turning into it. He thinks to much, he should just be focused on Anthony's soft ministrations.

Threading his hands through Anthony's hair, Ian grips the strands tightly and pulls on them. A reaction was not expected, but suddenly Anthony is letting out a low groan and grinding himself onto Ian.

No one has ever treated him like this. Anthony's going so slow, yet at the same time he's pleasuring Ian with his mouth through their heady kisses and with his slow thrusts against Ian's groin. Anthony tastes like strawberries and old chocolates, but to Ian-- it's heaven. Want is coursing through his veins, pulsing throughout his body, but in the end it all has only one destination.

And Ian is sure Anthony will feel it in a minute.

After a while Ian is tired from Anthony's slow pace. He wants him-- and he wants him now. With a strength that surprises even himself, Ian flips Anthony over so Ian is the one straddling him. With slow quick thrusts, Ian grinds himself onto Anthony and tries (but fails) to stifle his moans. It doesn't seem as if Anthony is unaffected by the noises Ian is making; in fact, he's bucking his hips with him and groaning with abandon.

"I-Ian!" He groans, suddenly reaching up to cup Ian's face and clash their lips together. Their tongues are intertwined and Ian felt like his entire face and body was on fire. Anthony flips them back over without warning and he slams his lips back onto Ian's, not even taking the time to breathe."Can I fuck you, Ian? Oh god, I wanna fuck you so bad.." Anthony growls, biting Ian's lip harshly. And suddenly, Ian is a puddle beneath Anthony, warm and moving. He nods his head dumbly, and Anthony makes sure both of their pants are off immediately.

He considers this the first time he truly realised how much he'd already been melting over the years.


The morning after isn't awkward. It's not awkward because Ian wakes up in his own apartment on his own bed, fully clothed. If it weren't for the hickeys that littered his neck and the pain in his ass, he would've thought that the previous night was a dream. The question on his mind now was: how did he get here?

Did Anthony wake up, dress him, and then drop him off? Why would he do that? Why go to all that trouble?

It's weird, this isn't how this morning was supposed to go. Ian hasn't read many fanfics, but in the ones he has, whenever he and Anthony have sex they always wake up the next morning with hangovers and awkwardness. Anthony may have a hangover, but where was the awkwardness?

As Ian collapses onto his bed again he has only one thought: the next time he saw Anthony would be extremely awkward. It's not exactly an emotion he wants to feel, but he knows it's necessary they talk.


They have to shoot today, and Ian is expecting to see Anthony with a hand behind his neck and an awkward smile. Awkward was the word he'd been using most lately, but that was just because he felt awkward all the time now. When he was in the shower, looking at himself naked (the bruises still haven't faded). And the most memorable time, when he was jerking off with two fingers up his ass, thinking of Anthony's 'you-know-what' inside of him.

He was really expecting a shitty excuse and how they should be stay friends and not let this get between them. So he's shell-shocked when he walks into the office and Anthony hugs him without any pretense.

Anthony is pretending as if it didn't happen. Ian can tell. He's acting like this isn't changing anything, like he and Ian are fuckbuddies or something who do this all the time. As if he didn't beg to pound into Ian's ass.

What kind of person, what kind of best-friend, can pretend like that? He knows they're both actors but he feels personally offended. Then there's also that piece of him which feels like crying because he has come to partly admit that he has more than friendly feelings for his best-friend. "Hey Ian! How was your weekend?" Anthony asks, a bright smile on his face.

But Ian can see the uncertainty and fear in his eyes, he can see how Anthony's really feeling. "It was great! Really amazing." Anthony's countenance betrays him for a second and he looks confused, but he quickly recovers. "Cool! So.. um-- let's get ready to run our lines, I guess." Anthony smiles sheepishly, grabbing Ian's hand and dragging him to the back of the set. Since Anthony's going at such a harshly fast pace (harsh for his ass at least) Ian grunts in pain.

He still shouldn't be hurting, but he's been doing lots of 'things' since their incident.

Anthony hears the noise and his eyes flicker over to Ian's fearfully, the way he was acting-- you'd think a squirrel was in his pants, he was so jumpy. "Are you... okay?" He asks carefully, stopping in their tracks so he can fully face Ian. "I'm fine. Actually, I'm really great right now!" Ian chuckles, mock happiness dripping from his voice. Anthony looks really puzzled now, like he can't understand how Ian is so cheery at a time like this. But if Anthony wanted to pretend nothing had happened, Ian was going to do the same.

If this is how Anthony wants to play it, Ian is going to give him one hell of a game.


Months pass.

They never talk about what had happened between the two that Christmas Eve, in fact Ian forgets about it for a while. He forgets about it until Anthony meets up with him in June, and wants to talk all about his new girlfriend.

She's a lovely girl, really she is. In fact, Ian had been the one to introduce Anthony to her. So in hindsight, it was all his fault that he now felt like a piece of his heart had been torn out. These feelings that were more than friendly for Anthony were not new, he'd had them many times before. But they always came in short bursts.


Not this time, Ian knows it's going to be different this time. He never hated Kalel, he always considered her a great friend, even though there were times when he envied her place. He hates Anthony's new girlfriend. He literally despises her entire existence. The night after Anthony explained he really liked her, Ian found himself crying and huddled on his bed. Because she had taken what was going to be his.

That's why he knew this time would be so much more different.


Last fall had so much hope. Ian was so happy, so excited. Their entire fanbase was, their was hope for Ian and Anthony. He can literally name hundreds of fan's who were sad, yet deep down were so excited. People thought that if both of them were single, then both of them could fall in love with each other. A rocky philosophy, but an avid one.

Why did this fall have to be so much different? Why did Ian have to live with a silent depression?

Why did he have to watch her take away the only constant in his life?

He wonders if he can win, if he can beat this girl who seems to have everything Ian doesn't. He feels pathetic, is he really thinking of trying to destroy his best-friend's happy relationship? He wants Anthony to be happy, everyone does. So why does he feel like this girl is the bane of his love-life?

He knows he needs to give Anthony up, so why does it hurt so bad when he tries?


It's a cool October day when Anthony comes into Ian's apartment crying because he and his girlfriend broke up.

The leaves are falling off the trees in everywhere but Los Angeles when Anthony explains how she made him choose, either smosh or her.

Ian's coffee machine is steaming with a freshly brewed pot when Anthony explains how he chose Ian over her.

Ian's broken coffee cup is lying on the floor, shards everywhere, when Anthony tells Ian he loves him.

Ian's trying to clean up his mess when Anthony leans down and captures Ian's lips with his own.

Ian's cheeks are stained with tears when he explains to Anthony how he's been pinning after him for months.

The moon is high in the sky when Anthony makes love to Ian. Both of them crying out into the night, Ian's love for Anthony finally intertwining with Anthony's love for Ian.

It's a beautiful sunny morning when Ian wakes up Anthony's arms and feels his day-old-stubble slightly scratching his cheek.

It's the first of October when Ian starts to love his life again.


It's amazing how two people can tiptoe around each other for ten years without spilling the beans on a love both had thought was unrequited by the other. Ian is the happiest he's been in such a long time, and he knows almost everyone who's associated with smosh is as well. All of their friends were ecstatic the two had finally gotten together, and even threw them a party.

It was cheesy, but sweet.


Ian and Anthony decided to come out in December, they thought of it as the fandom's Christmas present. Considering their whole mess had started on Christmas Eve, Ian thought it was best they release the video then.

The fans went crazy, and they hardly received any hate.

Everyone is so ecstatic that Ian thinks he's been living in a dream world. Their relationship might have been a bit rocky when it started, and Ian knows they have a long way to go before they're ready for forever, but he knows they'll be okay. It's amazing how two people can fall in love so easily, yet stay apart for so long.

Not that Ian thinks ten months is a long time. Though to him, it definitely felt longer than ten years had.

Do You Think I'm Sexy (NC-17)

“Another day, another dollar.” Ian sighs, as he sprays some Axe cologne on his blue button-up shirt. He doesn’t have a normal, nine-to-five job. The job he has, pays a lot more. In order for Ian to get up and go on set every week, the twenty-seven year old has to drop his last bit of dignity. In fact, when strangers ask what his occupation is, Ian just simply tells them that he is an actor. Which most of the time, the people he does tell, end up going home to search his name. He is a porn star. Flat out, he has sex for a living.

Ian knows it's was wrong, half of his friends, or former friends, have shut him out because of his job. Everyone he knew sat behind a desk each week and filed some papers to make a living. While he gets pounded in the ass for more than what his friends make. His nice home and car prove that.


At first, Ian loved his job.

He loves sex, especially being the one to receive. Throughout his teen years and early twenties, Ian remembers watching hours of pornography online. So when he saw an ad on one of his most frequented websites and auditioned for it, Ian felt like he had hit the jackpot. It was his dream job.

One year later, it was nothing but a way to make money.

Ian pulls up to the studio, parking his car and heading inside. As usual, he doesn't look like an excited guy about to get laid. He looks like a guy who had to spend a miserable day at a boring job just to keep food on the table. “Ian, hello!” he can hear the director greet him from across the room, and it made his blood boil with irritation. With a forced smile, Ian greets him back.

“Hey. Is the other guy here yet?” The director points to the next room, answering Ian's question and Ian walks that way, uneager to meet the asshole fucking him.

What Ian takes in is a guy with less muscles than what he would normally get stuck fucking, but extremely fit. He doesn’t look like he could crush Ian, but he clearly works out. He has piercing brown eyes and short, curly dark hair. In fact, it's cliche, but this man is the definition of tall, dark and handsome.

“Uh.. you must be..” Ian pauses as he looks over the script, “Anthony” he finishes. The gorgeous man flashes his perfect smile and shakes Ian’s hand, and Anthony’s palms feel sweaty, as if he was nervous. “First time, huh? I’m Ian and you have nothing to worry about. Just pretend the cameras aren’t there. That’s what I do.” Anthony grins apologetically at him, before running a hand through his hair and sticking his hand in his pocket.

Their names being called after makeup is put on, it always has made Ian sick with apprehension. The two quietly leave the room to step in a fancy looking bedroom. The bed has silky, black sheets which look comfy, and Ian wishes he could buy it instead of be fucked on it. Anthony looks even more nervous than Ian did when he first auditioned a year ago, poor guy. They are playing two, sexually frustrated, college best friends who just got back from a long lecture, and it's a boring used up plot but of course, Ian has no say in the script.

Anthony already has his shirt off, and Ian was practically drooling over his co-workers chiseled chest and abs. He wasn’t sure what it was about Anthony that made him so excited for once to do his job. Maybe because he was average looking. Not so built and intimidating, but sorta fit and gentle looking, like he could hold Ian during a rainstorm and shelter him from all the bad things in this his life.

“And action!” the director yells. Ian takes a deep breath as they both leave and re-enter the door. “Man. That was a boring lecture.” Ian pipes, as he plopped on the bed on his back, kicking off his shoes. The taller, gorgeous man before him joining him on the bed a couple seconds later.

"I know right! Ugh, I used to like science, but fuck! That made me feel like dying." Anthony murmurs, turning to look at Ian. "Same, dude." Ian smiles, carding his fingers through his bowl-hair. Anthony's eyes crinkle when he starts to chuckle lightly, and something happens to Ian that has never happened before.

His heart flutters.

"What the fuck," He later thinks. "My heart fucking fluttered?!" In all his days of being an "actor," Ian has never actually felt an appeal to any of his co-workers. Anthony seems different though. Anthony's laugh is a high-pitched rumble coming straight from his belly, and Ian is sure that if he had been standing, he his knees would've been fucking shaking. Oh yes, Anthony is different.

"Did you see that hot blond in there too?" Anthony suddenly asks, and Ian forgets they're shooting before his mind clicks and he says his line. "Oh yeah, dude I'd totally bang that chick." Anthony laughs again, and Ian swears it sounds like a slice of heaven in itself. "Me too. Ugh.. I haven't been laid in forever.." He drawls, scratching his slightly stubbled chin. "Same. Girls just don't like me anymore I guess." Ian jokes, turning to look at Anthony. Anthony's eyes are a beautiful shade of brown, and he feels a spark of arousal and excitement rush through his veins.

Ian knows the script. He knows what will happen next. So why does he feel so excited?

"I just wish.. someone could help me out. Ya' know?" Anthony murmurs deeply, slowly inching towards Ian. And it's the way Anthony's voice has that low growling tinge to it that has Ian suddenly hard in his pants. And this has never happened before, but it's like he's been slammed against a fucking wall of pure lust.

They're supposed to kiss slowly and languidly, but Ian suddenly presses his lips to Anthony's without a word. Opening his mouth and letting Anthony's tongue fight with his, Ian lets out the tiniest whimper as he clutches Anthony's hair and pushes their mouths together even more.

In hindsight, it's better if they kiss this way--with this fiery passion that's bubbling inside of him--than the slow and arduous way the directors said they should. It looks more real than not--but then again, Ian isn't sure if this is becoming real or not. He honestly feels like his character, like he hasn't been fucked in months, when in reality he's fucked once a week.

Anthony is different, that Ian knows for sure.

It's when Anthony lightly nips Ian's bottom lip that he comes out of his stupor of thinking and takes the initiative to start the next scene. Rolling on top of Anthony, Ian straddles his hips and slowly grinds himself onto Anthony, pushing their hard-ons together, and he relishes in the sexy moans his partner is letting out. Ian shouldn't be enjoying it this much, it's not professional.

But he can't help the way he acts around Anthony.

The part Ian has always been told he's best at is coming up as the director flashes a sign at Ian that reads: 'Oral take one!' As sexily as possible, Ian slids down Anthony's body, gripping his thighs tightly as he nips and mouths at Anthony's clothed erection.

"Mmm.." Anthony groans, slipping his hand into Ian's hair and gripping the filaments tightly. Ian gets to work on unbuttoning Anthony's jeans, dragging the zipper down with his teeth. He slips the unwanted clothing off of Anthony fully, throwing it onto the floor along with his boxers, before pumping Anthony's cock a few times and flicking his thumb over the head. Spreading a bead of pre-come around the tip, Ian twists his wrist expertly, wrenching groans and whimpers from Anthony. The sounds make Ian want to show Anthony a really great time.

Ian knows it's kinda naïve and foolish to try and get a guy to like you by giving them an amazing blowjob, but Ian has no gag reflex, and plans to use that to an advantage today. Licking the tip of Anthony's fully hard cock, Ian flutters his eyes shut as he makes his mouth into an 'o' and places his lips around the tip. Slowly, he slides his mouth down the shaft, pressing his tongue onto the vein that ran down the underside of Anthony's length.

This rips a low guttural moan from Anthony as he thrusts his hips up into Ian's mouth, the hot heat driving him wild with want. He thrust up slowly at first, not wanting to choke the blue-eyed man. But that's when Ian surprises him big time.

He places his hands on Anthony's hips and presses down onto them until they're flat on the bed, then he slides his warm and wet mouth all the way down Anthony's cock until his nose is pressing against Anthony's pubic hair. And then he fucking swallows around him. This beautiful man, just deepthroated Anthony without any problems. That revelation in itself makes Anthony cry out in pleasure as he rocks his hips up into Ian's mouth, loving the feeling of his tight, moist, and hot throat enclose around his dick.

"Fuck... yes! Oh--god, yes..." He moans, arching his back and pressing his back into the pillow. He's close, and Ian can tell. His dick is pulsing in his mouth and it's a feeling Ian knows all to well, except this time it feels different. It feels so authentic, the electricity and lust flowing between them feels so real it's almost as if they are the characters they're playing. Anthony's pre-come tastes sweet instead of salty, and Ian knows this is a weird thought but--Anthony's cock tastes nice.

Ian pulls off Anthony's dick with an obscene pop, and Anthony feels an embarrassing blush rise on his cheeks because the noise makes him moan softly, and he knows Ian is the only one who heard it. With a smirk that should be illegal, Ian starts to strip, tossing his clothes onto the floor until he is completely nude. Crawling back up Anthony, Ian keeps that infuriatingly "come and get me bitch" smirk on his face until he's kissing Anthony's neck.

Ian is following the script like a good "actor" but he can't help but crave a change in it. "Dominate me." He whispers into Anthony's ear, making sure he's the only one who heard it. Anthony grins for a second before flipping him and Ian over and attacking the sensitive skin beneath his ear. "Ahhh--ahh!" Ian moans, arching his back since Anthony is biting and licking his sweet spot and it feels like he's on a sensory overload.

"You're sensitive, huh?" Anthony growls, nipping Ian's jaw before flashing him a sexy smirk. "Mmm.." Ian groans, bending his neck back as far as possible as Anthony litters his pale skin with hickeys. Suddenly, Anthony is rubbing and pinching Ian's nipples and he is shocked beyond belief because no one has ever done that to him and the haze of pleasure he's feeling is intoxicating.

"A-Anthony!" He whines, arching his back once more. He doesn't respond, instead Anthony leans down and sucks Ian's nipple into his mouth, nipping at it furiously. Ian lets out a scream at the feeling and covers his face with his hands. Anthony notices this and leans his face next to Ian's. "I like it when you're loud." He whispers, descending back towards Ian's nipples and blowing on the moistened one. It immediately hardens, and Ian clenches his jaw at the feeling.

Just then the director flashes another sign, that reads: "Start the anal with him!"

Anthony grins widely, kissing Ian's mouth one more time, licking into it before sliding down to his torso and flipping him over. Ian kneels down, arching his back so Anthony can see the way his ass arches so deliciously. Anthony picks up the lube on the bed, opening the bottle and spilling the cool liquid onto three of his fingers.

Waiting for the liquid to warm, Anthony pulls Ian's ass cheek apart, admiring his puckered hole before slipping his finger into the tight space. Once he reachs the first knuckle, he quickly plunges inside the warm heat of Ian's ass, stretching him as much as possible. When he deems him ready, Anthony slips a second finger in, pumping both of them in and out of his ass. By now Ian was letting out soft moans and harsh pants, trying his best not to rock his hips back onto Anthony's fingers.

Teasing a third finger in, Anthony surprisingly grips Ian's length, pumping it fast and rough. Ian's moans are high and choked as Anthony plunges his fingers into his ass, and jerks him off. Finally, Anthony's fingers slip in all the way and press against Ian's prostate, causing him to moan loudly and push back on Anthony's hand which has stilled its motions. Ian's writhing and moaning as Anthony keeps his fingers on Ian's sweet spot, and by the look on his face--Ian knows Anthony is enjoying this as much as he is.

Anthony is running a hand over his dick lazily, satisfying some of the lust he feels coiling in his belly, but he can't contain his need anymore. Pulling his fingers out of Ian, Anthony wipes them on the bed sheets before dripping more lube onto his condom covered hard-on, covering the tip and shaft completely before flipping Ian and himself over so Ian can ride him.

Ian immediately mounts him, slowly positioning Anthony's cock against his tight hole, before sinking down onto his length. Moaning loudly, Ian starts up a harsh rhythm, bouncing down onto Anthony's (frankly Ian can definitely say it's the biggest he's ever seen) eight inch erection. They're both unsatisfied though, and Anthony decides to change the script once more. Lifting Ian off of him, Anthony places Ian on his back, spreading his legs before gripping his dick and sliding it into Ian again.

Ian feels the head against his hole, and he has never done this position before so it feels so sensational and emotional because he can see Anthony's face (as well as the rest of him). Pushing in further, Anthony grips the base of his cock to steady it, he doesn't know why, but he doesn't want Ian to be in any pain. The head enters Ian's ass, stretching the tight ring of muscles inside as Ian lets out a high-pitched whine of want.

When he thinks it's time, he removes his hand and places it on Ian's hip and does something that is extremely shocking. He squeezes it reassuringly. Ian has had a lot of firsts on this shoot, but this took the cake for all of them. Anthony was acting caring, loving, yet passionate and lustful.

He was making Ian crazy.

Pushing in slowly, Anthony waits until their hips are connected before pulling back and slamming into Ian. His mouth falls open into a silent moan as Anthony hits his prostate dead on. Anthony continues fucking into Ian, hard and deep thrusts hitting the bundle of nerves every fucking time.

Anthony runs his hand down from Ian's hip to his crotch, gripping Ian's cock loosely before roughly punping it, he twists his wrist, causing Ian to whimper and writhe on the bed. Anthony is unrelenting on the haze of pleasure he is causing Ian and soon Ian is coming, whining high in his throat before letting out an embarrassingly loud moan and spilling over Anthony's hand and onto his chest.

His cheeks are a flaming red as he covers his face with the inside of his elbow, sweat dripping from his forehead. Being as oversensitive as he is, every time Anthony hits his prostate, Ian moans loudly and whimpers, his cock making a valiant effort to be hard again. After a particular hard thrust to his prostate, Ian tightens around Anthony so fucking good that Anthony is suddenly coming as well.

When Anthony comes, his face contorts into this countenance of bliss and he moans--deep and guttural before stilling his hips inside of Ian. When he comes down from his high, he slowly pulls out of Ian and pulls of his condom, tossing it aside.

Their last scene ks to kiss and finish some bits of dialogue, Ian can't help but feel like they aren't playing a scene anymore and that they aren't "actors".

"That was amazing.." Anthony murmurs, kissing Ian's lips softly. And Ian swears his heart skips a beat at the gentle feeling of Anthony's lips brushing against his. "I'm kinda glad we didn't talk to that chick now." Ian sighs, kissing Anthony again, this time sliding his tongue into his mouth. They pull apart, just to smile one last time at each other before the director yells a harsh "CUT!" and Ian is slipping into his dressing room to change into some clothes makeup brings him.

Anthony is doing the same and as soon as they're both fully clothed, Ian plans on talking to him about something. Ian has never felt an actual romantic attraction to one of his co-workers before, but Anthony seems different.

Yes, Anthony is definitely different.


Ian turns to look at the beautiful man beside him. He has pulled his boxers and black t-shirt on and is slipping back into his very tight gray skinny jeans. There is still a bit of sweat pooling on Anthony’s forehead and his hair is slicked back with perspiration, as well. After buttoning his jeans, Anthony grabs a water bottle off of the makeup counter and takes a long swig from it, after that kind of "workout" dehydration sets in quickly. Unfortunately, Ian knows that from experience.

Ian watchs as a small drop of water dribbles from Anthony’s lips to his chin and down his neck, that shouldn't be so provocative. But it is. He sighs and bites his lip. He's certain that he’s never been so attracted to someone in his entire life, much less in the industry.

“Stare much?” Anthony asks, screwing the crap onto his water bottle.

Ian snaps his attention to the mirror in front of him, looking away to hid the blush creeping onto his face. His hair is a bit disheveled and his part is completely scruffy, Ian figures it could look endearing if he was wearing a gigantic sweater. His face is a deep crimson and he isn’t sure if it was due to the amazing sex he’s had just a few minutes ago or from blushing at Anthony.

“S-sorry,” he apologises.

Anthony laughs, running a hand through his hair. “S’okay. You need to talk to me or something?”

The shorter man was relieved. “Yeah…I do, actually. I was wondering…Are you busy tonight?”
For a moment, Anthony thinks. “I don’t think so,” he murmurs, finally. “How come?”

“Well, I…I was wondering if you’d maybe want to hang out later?” Ian questions shyly.
Anthony pauses again. “Make me dinner,” he commands, giving Ian a small smirk.
Ian blushes again at his expression. “S-sure,” he replies, cursing himself. He's never this shy.

What is happening?

“I make really good chicken parmesan.”

The taller man gives him a hard look. “I’m vegan.”

He raises an eyebrow. Then he smiles. “It’s fine. I’ll figure something out.”

“Good,” Anthony replies, picking up his phone. “Just text me your address and I’ll be over around eight.” He recites his phone number before picking up a canvas bag and slinging it over his shoulder. Ian watches him walk out of the room and he sighes.

“Looks like I’m going to Whole Foods,” he murmurs.


Promptly, at seven o’clock, there is a knock at Ian’s door. He checks his appearance in the mirror in the living room, not wanting to seem to grungy. He’s showered, done his hair, and dressed himself in a silvery-gray jack and dark wash jeans. Ian knows that he's an attractive man, he just hopes Anthony does too.

He shuffles over to the door and opens it. The man standing behind it completely takes his breath away. It's clear that Anthony has showered as well and his hair is styled perfectly. He's dressed in a black shirt, a white jacket, and jeans and his hands are jammed in his pockets as he waits. He looks up and gave Ian a small smile.


Ian beams brightly, his eyes shining. “Hey! Come on in!” He motions for Anthony to follow him.

“I just set the table.”

Anthony shuts the door and slides out of his jacket, with Ian immediately taking it off of his hands and hanging it up on his coat-rack.

“Smells really good,” Anthony compliments, looking around. “Sorry about the chicken parmesan.”

“It’s cool,” Ian smiles, leading him into the kitchen and dining room. “I compromised and made eggplant parmesan with vegan parmesan cheese.”

Anthony grins. “Oh, really? I love eggplant!”

Ian chuckles in success. “That’s fantastic. Well, have a seat and I’ll pour you a drink. Do you prefer red or white? And yeah, it’s vegan.”
Anthony laughs a little, his eyes twinkling. The sound cause Ian's breath to hitch and his cheeks to color. “Red, please.”

Twisting the cap off of the bottle, Ian grins. Red is his favorite wine, too.
Ian leans over and pours Anthony a glass and then one for himself. He sets the wine on the table and sits down, scooting up.

“Do you need to say prayer first?” Anthony genuinely asks, his brow knitting.

Ian snorts in disbelief. “Dude, I’m a porn star. There’s no way I need Jesus to bless my food.”
Anthony guffaws, taking a bite of his food. Then he raises an eyebrow. “Dude, this is really good! Like really good!”

Grinning, Ian takes a small bite of steamed asparagus. “Thanks, man. I’ve always kind of prided myself in my cooking.”

After swallowing a bite of his pasta, Anthony gives Ian a hard look. “Yeah…I was wondering about that. Look, it’s none of my business, but Ian, how in the world did you get into porn in the first place? You seem like a smart, good guy. It’s not the best industry.”
Ian pauses and swallow his food, his face falling.

“I mean,” Anthony rushes worriedly, if you don’t want to tell me, that’s completely fine. I just…I wondered.”

Taking a long sip of his wine, Ian nods. “No, it’s fine. I…When you’re a high school dropout, there’s not a lot of options, to be perfectly honest. I’ve always been okay at English, you know, reading and writing. But math and science? History?” he scoffed, “it might as well be Mandarin. With that knowledge set, there’s no way for a diploma or a GED or even college or vo-tech. Besides, my mom wouldn’t have been able to afford any of it, anyhow."

“I’ve always known I was gay and I’ve always liked being a bottom,” Ian murmurs, remarking to himself that this fact should not be so easily proclaimed. But he trusts Anthony, strangely, and knows that being a porn actor himself, he would not judge him. “And that’s rare in the industry. I’ve always been told that I have a pretty mouth and face and body, so I saw an ad for a role once and since then, I’ve just been going with it. The money’s great, but it’s gotten to the point where I feel a little wrong for it. Sex isn’t exactly a public thing. I mean, I wish I didn’t have to do it for millions of people. There’s not supposed to be any shame in it, but there is. There really is.” He looks down at his plate, his face pale and his stomach churning.

Anthony is quiet for a few moments as he chews his food, sips his drink, and thinks about what Ian had said. “I’m not gay,” he admits finally.
Ian isn’t sure why Anthony had said this, but it makes his heart completely sink to the ground.

“But I’m in the gay porn industry,” he finishes, giving Ian a small smile. “I graduated high school. I went to college and got a degree. But you know what? To get experience, you have to actually do things. No one’s gonna hire anyone with no experience, so you end up having to be an intern. Which pays absolutely nothing, which doesn’t take care of rent. Especially not in Los Angeles, California. And I’m attractive, I guess. I’ve always kind of had that look that gay men go for so…voilà!” He chuckles begrudgingly and takes another sip of wine.

“Here I am, sitting with you. I’m thankful for the money, but I’m going to enjoy being a legitimate director one day.”

Ian raises an eyebrow. “Your degree is in directing?”

Anthony nods. “Yeah, it is. I’ve taken a fuckton of acting classes, too.”

“Well, can’t you get a job somewhere?” Ian askes, “you sound so qualified…,” he trails off, “and you’re so attractive!”

Shrugging, Anthony swallows the last of his asparagus. “A lot of those jobs involve sleeping with someone. And you know, that’s kinda what I do in porn, but at least there I know exactly what I’m getting into. I just figure I’ll work in the field until my internship’s up and then I’ll pray that something comes up.”

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” Ian laments, “but a lot of porn people stay in porn. Forever.”

It's silent as the two men chew on exactly what this means, finishing their meal and wine.
Finally, Ian askes, “would you like some coffee?”

Anthony ponders for a moment before nodding. “S-sure.”

“Just head into the living room,” Ian smiles softly, “I’ll meet you there.”

As he pours two cups of coffee, Ian frowns. He can’t believe that Anthony, this man who is certainly the one of his dreams, is not interested in men romantically, especially not after the passionate scene that they’d filmed only the afternoon before. Vowing not to give up, he picks up the two mugs and joins Anthony in the living room.

Anthony is perched on Ian’s deep green sofa and looks comfortable, much to Ian’s relief. He hands him the coffee, to which Anthony smiles and thanks him.

Ian settles across from him in a recliner. There's a comfortable tranquility between the two of them for a few minutes and it makes Ian happy, happy that the two of them can sit together completely silent and not have to worry about things getting to be problematic. This is when it hit shim: he's in love with Anthony. It has only been a day and the notion is completely preposterous, but here he is, completely head over heels. He’s never had feelings this strong in his entire life.

Feeling brave, Ian leans forward. “Is this coffee, okay? I put in a sweetener, but no cream, obviously.”

Anthony nods, smiling. “Yeah, it’s perfect.” He sets it down on a coaster on the coffee table. “You know, it’s really awesome how cool you are with me being vegan. Most people are totally rude to me for it.”

Ian shrugs. “It’s just a diet. Personally, it doesn’t seem like all that big of a deal to me. Plus, it’s really good for the animals.”

“Thanks, dude,” Anthony grins, “thanks a lot.”

Ian smiles, leaning forward even more. “You know,” he murmurs, “you should let me take you out sometime.”

Anthony raises an eyebrow. “Out. As in…?” he trails.

“L-like a date,” Ian replies. “You know, dinner at a nice restaurant? A movie? A picnic? A walk on the shore or the boardwalk?”

Anthony raises an eyebrow. “Ian…I-I just told you that I’m not gay.”

“You don’t know that,” Ian replies, “you’ve only dated girls thus far, right?”

Nodding, Anthony mutters weakly, “W-well, yeah. But I know what I am.”

“You seemed pretty into me earlier, though,” Ian purrs coyly.

Anthony clickes his tongue, giving Ian an annoyed look. “It’s my job to be into the people I fuck. I can’t help that and I can’t help that I’m only physically attracted to women.”

Ian leans his head back against the headrest on his chair. “Anthony, please. I promise if you just give me a shot, that I’ll be the best thing that has ever happened to you. I really feel a strong connection to you and I want to explore it.” He grins at Anthony and even bats his eyelashes a little. He feels a sense of victory when he catches the other man staring into his eyes a bit longer than usual.

This victory deflates when Anthony shakes his head. “Ian, dude…I’m sorry, but I’m just not attracted to men. Admittedly, I feel a connection to you, too. But it’s strictly platonic. I’m really sorry. We can be friends, but that’s all, I’m afraid.”

“Anthony,” Ian whines, “please just give me one chance. I bet I can suck your dick like no woman can even dream of.”

“Ian!” Anthony exclaims, “stop that right now!”

Ian tilts his head to the side and gives Anthony a smirk. “What, Anthony? What’s the matter? You know it’s true. You had to try your absolute damnedest to not shoot your come down my throat and make me swallow it.” He purrs, biting his lip seductively.

“This conversation is over,” Anthony mutters quietly. He sets his coffee cup back down on the table and stands up. He pulls up his pants a bit and clears his throat. “Thanks for dinner. It was lovely. I’m not sure when I’ll see you again, Ian. But take care.”

Ian suddenly feels very remorseful and stands up himself. “Anthony, wait! I’m sorry, I really am. I just…,” he trails off, unsure of what it is that he wants to say.

Anthony ignores him, grabbing his jacket off of the rack and then opening the front door.

“Bye, Ian. Thanks again.”

Ian sighes, settling back down in his chair. He’s really screwed up this time and he’d be shocked if Anthony ever wanted to speak to him again. And this really sucks because he is truly in love with the other man. Knowing that they probably couldn’t even be friends now makes him want to die. His body crumples down and he places his head in his hands, breaking down into tears that turned into loud sobs that he's certain his neighbors could hear.

But he doesn't give a single fuck.


It's the next day and Ian doesn't want to get out of bed. After what had happened last night, he's embarrassed to show his face. Being rejected has never hurt so bad. Although, Ian is rarely ever rejected by anyone. This time is different, he was rejected by Anthony. He wants Anthony so bad but had to screw it up by going too far. If only it was humanly possible to reverse time.

Ian wants to cry again, but he's all out of tears. His sadness instead turning into regret.

Just as he is getting out of bed, the brunette hears a knock at his front door. “Who the hell could that be?” Ian thinks to himself as he tiredly steps forward. He looks through the peep hole to see who it was. “Anthony..?” Ian had to pinch himself to make sure he isn't dreaming. He wasn’t.

He nearly didn’t open the door, but the older man on the other side heard and saw Ian. “Uhm.. h-hi.” he greeted Anthony as he swung the door open. Anthony half smiled, “Hey. Are you going to invite me in? I understand if you don’t w-” Ian suddenly interrupted him by grabbing Anthony’s wrist and pulling forward, shutting the door close with his foot.

“Holy crap. I thought I was never going to see you again!” Ian happily exclaimed, hoping he wasn’t coming off too strong. Again. “Can we talk? It’s important.” Anthony questioned the other man. With a nod, Ian sat on his sofa, Anthony following.

As they sat there, their eyes met and they both stayed silent. It was awkward, Ian admitted. Uncomfortable as well. But, nonetheless, he was interested in what Anthony had to say. He opened his mouth to speak, “C-Can I get a glass of water?” Ian, confused, just stood up and went into the kitchen to pour his guest some water. As the faucet was on, he could hear Anthony say something.

“I’m gay.” Ian thought he heard. No.. no. He was just hearing things. Ian then turned off the faucet and walked back.

“Did you say something?” he asked. Anthony decided to repeat himself, “I said I’m gay.” He did say that. Loud and clear. Ian then dropped the glass in his hand, it shattering all over the floor.

“Fuck!” Ian cursed, falling to his knees carefully to clean up the mess. Anthony quickly stood, “Whoa, whoa, let me help.” He got down to his knees, picking up the broken pieces. As they were doing that, Ian spoke up, “Why did you tell me you were straight last night? I.. I don’t know. It hurt me. We just met.. but like I said, I felt such a romantic connection..” he looked at Anthony sadly.

Anthony sighed deeply, putting the remaining pieces in the trash can. “I guess I was scared. In.. denial if you will. I mean, I’ve always been in denial. It just took you to finally..” his brown eyes then met Ian’s blue and he grinned, “Finally come to terms with my sexuality.” With a huge grin, Ian pulled Anthony into the tightest, loving hug. “I’m glad I could help.” Just then they pulled away, their smiles faded and their lips met.

They kiss for a long time. Suddenly they are on the bed, making out without any shirts or pants on, and Ian comes to a horrible realisation.

"I've never had sex without a camera on," Ian whispers, ducking his head in embarrassment. Anthony's eyes go wide as he stares at the man in his arms who's choking up from the shame. "Heck, I've never had sex with a person I personally knew."

"Shh.. it's okay. Ian, look at me. It's okay. I will make this worth remembering for you."

The two make love that night. Real, genuine and passionate sex. No cameras, no directors, no script. Just two guys in love. As they end, the lovers are panting heavy and are wearing wide smiles. "I really like you, Ian." Anthony whispers, pecking Ian's lips one last time before collapsing onto his back.

“So..” Ian mutters, catching his breath, “How about that date?” Laughter fills the room and the couple fall asleep, in each other’s arms.

Ian knows that Anthony is different. He knows that Anthony is the only one who could have ever saved Ian from being an "actor" for the rest of his life.

Although, Ian thinks that maybe one day he'll get used to Anthony. And he won't be so different to him anymore.

Don't Be Scared

It's only eight in the morning and Ian is nervous as fuck.

He's flying to Washington D.C., and he's (he thinks it's quite ridiculous though) deathly afraid of planes and flying in general. He doesn't know how his fear began, he just knows he has it and that it's bad. Now, combine him and a six hour flight, and you'll have three barf bags, one peanut container, and a very confused Anthony Padilla.

When Ian was boarding the plane, he met his unlucky seat-mate, Anthony. Anthony seemed generally concerned about how Ian was shaking and his skin was deathly pale, voicing his concerns deemed to be harder than it looked through, since Ian had given him a terrified glance and was desperately clutching Anthony's jacket after the young man asked him what was wrong and placed a hand on his shoulder.

It was sort of endearing though.

Well, as endearing as watching a frightened deer hold on to you could be.

He helped Ian onto the plane and sat them both down, trying to keep him from running out of the plane as they were waiting for take off.

As time 's ticking closer to departure, Ian starts to become a little more pale (if that's even possible).

They're sitting close together and Ian is hiding his face in Anthony's arm as the flight attendants start telling everyone to buckle up and prepare for take off. At this, Ian pops his face up and opens his eyes wide in terror. Looking back and forth from Anthony's slightly amused face and the window, Ian begins to open his mouth and lets out a quiet shriek.

As soon as he starts to get louder and people begin to stare, Anthony starts to panic. "Ian, hey! Shut up, man!" He whispers, poking Ian's cheek as the smaller man is frozen in fear. Just then, the plane starts to move and Ian starts screaming even louder, tears trickling down his cheeks.

It seems as though everyone in the plane is staring at them now, and Anthony is freaking out because he can't get Ian to shut the fuck up.

So, he kisses him.

It's just a passionless open-mouthed kiss really, but it gets Ian flutter his eyes shut and close his lips a bit. As Anthony pulls away, Ian stares at him in wonder and peacefulness, a small smile tugging at his lips. "T-thank you." He stutters, blushing slightly.

Anthony shoots him a grin, slipping his arm around Ian.

"You're welcome, dude. I'm just glad you're not scared anymore."